I returned to Belarus, and there I found Belarussia. I knew it could be a one-way trip

There used to be a cartoon in our country, it was called “Baba Yaga is against!”. That’s me, I’m against it. I will not be a tile on Zoom at weddings and funerals. I don’t agree with separation from loved ones “until a better time comes”. Especially since I don’t know if it will ever come.

Why go to a country isolated and separated from Europe by a wall, constantly screened by “security” services? Why does a person willingly take the risk of stopping and experiencing various kinds of abuse? Could it be out of longing, as explained in the media by mental health experts? Or perhaps pragmatically, out of the need to deal with matters that can no longer be dealt with remotely under the regime, such as renewing one’s passport, without which a person risks one day being found to be in the European Union illegally? Or were the events of three years ago nothing special for the average Belarusian or Belarusian woman and she drives across the border as she did before, tudy-siuda, returning from shopping, vacation or business trip? All of the above scenarios are equally likely.

For some, the risk of detention is negligible, for others – those who in 2020 spoke out in any way against the rigging of elections once again and the violence of the Lukashenko regime – very real.

Making the decision to travel was difficult, accompanied by emotional swings. I had to accept the fact that I might not return to Poland. For most of my acquaintances living west of Brest, this situation seems to be a curiosity. Afraid to go to the homeland? Home? To loved ones?

Meanwhile, the reason for an arrest could be a photo the “security” services find on a phone, or a comment left a few years ago on social media. In Belarus, there are lists of “undesirable citizens,” in keeping with the worst traditions of the Soviet Union. To find out if you are on such a list, you can de facto only with practice. That is, going to the border, where the term “rite of passage” has taken on new meaning in recent years.

If a decision has been made to leave despite the warnings, the next step should be a “digital cleanup.” This means preparing electronic devices for possible review. How to do it?

1. We review and remove “suspicious” and unnecessary numbers.
2. With online banking we do as we please, but Revolut and similar applications are better removed.
3. Delete conversations on Messenger with friends who have any flags on their profile pictures. Telegram or Viber is better uninstalled, but they will definitely ask about these apps.
4. We delete photos that we don’t want to show. Foodporn can stay. We go through all the folders several times each so as not to miss any detail.
5. We delete important files in Google Drive, iCloud, etc.
6. We clean up browser histories and mailboxes.
7. We are emptying the garbage cans.
8. Go into YouTube’s settings and turn off recommendations, delete history and check subscriptions.
9. On the way to the border, we don’t sleep, but make one last check. And once again, “last.” And also, if there are doubts.

Just in case, I’ll elaborate that doing all this only makes sense on devices that were not used in Belarus in 2020, because in an interrogation or detention situation, representatives of state services are likely to gain access to the smartphone’s registration number. Then they will enter it in the databases, while checking whether the device did not appear with its owner at the protests three years ago.

Way over the wall

Approximately ten buses leave West Warsaw for Belarus every day. Last summer it was necessary to buy tickets well in advance, but this summer demand has clearly decreased. Thanks for this go to the Wagnerians, the initiators of the country’s three-year witch hunt, but also to the Polish authorities, who, for the time being, are happy to issue residence permits to Belarusian immigrants and migrants. It is impossible to get to Belarus by rail – services were suspended during the pandemic and have not yet been restored. Nor by plane – these were put on hold after the hijacking of a Ryanair plane in 2021.

If you have an EU residency card and your paperwork in order, you’re not raring to travel to your home country. Nevertheless, there was nothing extraordinary about my cruise. Only three female passengers with Ukrainian passports among a group of not-so-talkative Belarusian men and women of various ages and work experience, which could be partly read from their faces and outfits.

The closer you get to the border guard booth, the higher the heart rate. What can you do in a moment of such tension, especially when you know it’s still going to last a while? One possible answer is to accept the fact that there is no going back, you are probably an adrenaline-addicted idiot, and your main task now is to breathe.” Conscious, reasonably controlled breathing. So as to turn all fear into a breathing process and slowly glide forward in line, hoping that you step carefully enough.

A special interview with an unnamed guardian of the republic’s borders was waiting for me. Or rather, a guard who was distinguished by glued nails of impressive length. This detail amplified the sound effect as she clicked on my cell phone screen, missing the icon for the next app she was supposed to check for signs of “extremism.” It’s hard to hold back laughter at a time like this, even – or maybe especially – when you’re scared.

The moment they snatch from your hands your passport, your EU residence card, which you have won after many years, and your phone to unceremoniously look through everything, you feel like a child exposed to the cold in just your underpants. So you stand, wait impatiently, scowling at the view outside the window and trying not to get upset. This time I passed the exam on personal data processing.

We managed to cover the 550 kilometers between the capitals in about fourteen hours. Upon arrival, the first thing I did was cry. I was relieved, but still not safe. Being in Belarus is like walking through a hunting ground.

There is a sea of us

In the summer of 2020, we felt that there was a “majority” of us. You could often hear that “it’s impossible to put so many people in jail.” However, the repression still continues. Data indicating the number of people who left the country in a hurry is not public, but there are certainly no fewer migrants from Belarus in the Union than there were people on the streets of Minsk at the height of the protests. And at the time we said that “there is a sea of us.” Those who remained adapted more to the conditions of occupation. But in reality they are held hostage. Why put hundreds of thousands of people behind bars when you can create a prison on a national scale?

Belarus is like a jar of good preserved cucumbers (which, by the way, its southern part, Polesie, is famous for), left in a dark cellar for years. It remains to be seen whether, when it is finally opened, the cucumbers will still be edible. Perhaps so, and personally, I very much desire it. But there is still a war going on next door, and the future of the entire region is very uncertain.

Belarus becomes Belarussia

Well, that’s right, war. It is not talked about out loud. He rarely calls a spade a spade here, referring instead to “those terrible events.” When we talk about “those events,” it is clear that we are talking about the protests of three years ago. During my stay I got a lot of questions about the cost of living in the European Union and the difficulties encountered in emigration. They asked if I missed my homeland.

Instead of the planned ten days, I stayed for two and a half weeks. After all, you never know when the next opportunity will be. I met with the few friends who stayed in the country. They are doing well. Adaptation is the key to survival.

Minsk is changing, and it is a very sad transformation. A huge “chinatown” is growing on the site of the old airport, the Arabs are building another hotel and an ugly shopping and entertainment complex in the city center. Ambitious infrastructure projects are in vain.

A dozen years ago, a campaign was created to teach foreigners what the name of our country sounds like. And that this is no Weissrussland, la Russie Blanche or Biélorussie, to end once and for all the notion that Marc Chagall was a painter from White Russia. The country is called Belarus, and the adjective is Belarusian, not Belarussian.

I remembered this after crossing the border, when I saw that Belarus was unfortunately becoming more and more Belorussian. Russians and Russian capital are taking the place of Western investors who have left the country, or even Ukrainian companies whose services were popular until recently. Russian goods on the shelves have arrived, Rosneft gas stations have sprouted up. I understand that there is no vacuum in the economy and that opportunity makes the thief, but it is sad to watch.

We do not give up, but gather strength

I was returning with a light heart. Through Lithuania, so as not to be stuck on the bridge on the Western Bug for eight hours. When it was my turn at passport control, I was asked the standard question, “What were you doing in Ukraine?” as I got my passport stamped. Feeling very calm this time, I allowed myself a joke: “I was picking up panties from my former partner’s apartment.” Sitting in the firehouse, the young woman raised her eyes and smiled barely noticeably. No scanning glances. Happy.

It’s been a while since my return. In December, I went to a concert by a Belarusian band in Warsaw’s Proxima, where I met friends. The first thing they said was that our mutual friend had recently traveled to Belarus and it had just been a week since she was detained. We don’t know if he will get out after the standard two weeks of administrative detention, and if he will be given at least two days to flee the country. Worse, we don’t know if there’s anything we can do to help her get out.

“Sit on the bank of the river and wait patiently for the corpses of your enemies to float downstream”. – proclaims a famous proverb. In my opinion, it is not about giving up or accepting evil, but about being able to focus and gather strength.

So let’s wait. After all, it can’t always be like this.

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For security reasons and in hopes of repeating the family’s visit to Belarus, the author’s name has been changed.

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